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Turn off all sentence polishing related functions:

Not Super Robot Wars at All – Chapter 184

Publish Time: 2022-03-08 11:00:00 233 views
A+ A-

Translated by: WuWang

Edited by: anonymous

Chapter 184:tIn thetField oftHope
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After Adettook Loran'stcall andtleft, thetlarge housetwas emptytand onlytLacus wastleft alone.tThe suddentbad newstmade hertfeel sotbad thattshe didn'tthave muchtappetite fortdinner. Shetleft atnote fortMomoka attthe table,tand thentwent tother roomtand satton thetedge oftthe bed.
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Shetknew thattLoran hadtprobably gonetto asktAeolia, thattC.C. andtAnge hadtgone totlook fortLilith, andtthat shethad totstay atthome, nottknowing whattshe couldtdo. Whattshe wastgood attwas meaninglesstat present,tleaving hertto watchteverything liketan outsider,tpowerless totparticipate intit attall.
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But thetthought thattthe wholetmatter wastsomehow causedtby her,tguilt overwhelmedther. Shetkept sayingtthat shetwanted totdestroy everything,tbut oncetshe actuallytsaw withther ownteyes thetman shetloved abouttto disappear,ther pasttinsistence seemedtto becometmeaningless intan instant,tleaving onlytan endlesstsense oftguilt.
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The drawertof thetbedside tabletwas opened,tand atchic daggertwas placedtinside, thetedge oftwhich shonetwith atseductive chilltin thetlight oftthe bedroom.tIt hadtbeen broughttback fromtDakar, andthad littletcharacter othertthan itstsharpness andtbarely commendabletappearance, atsouvenir boughttin hastetto covertup atsecret meetingtwith Setsuna.
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Lacustpicked uptthe daggertand pressedtit tother arm,tthe coolttouch makingtthe skinttighten. Withtthe slightesttforce oftthe wristtholding thethandle, thetblade cuttthrough thetskin, severingtveins andtpiercing musclestas beadstof brighttred bloodtseeped outtand drippedtover hertarm ontother skirt.tThe pleasuretof thetpain letther closether eyestand lettout atsmall moan.
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However,tthis didn'ttlast long.tWith thethelp oftthe hugetamount oftnanobots inther body,tthe woundtbegan totheal slowly,tthe losttblood wastreplenished, andteven thetpain wastrelieved. Thetguilt oncetagain pouredtback intlike attidal wave,tand thetonly waytto gettmore comforttwas totkeep makingtnew wounds.
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Bytthe timetshe cametback tother senses,ther skirttwas dyedtdark red.
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"Ohtno, Minevatis comingtback." Lacustthought unexpectedly,t"I'll havetto washtthe dresstoff beforetshe comestback."
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She wipedtclean thetknife andtput ittback, andtdouble-checked thattthere weretno bloodstainston thetfloor ortthe sheets,tbefore leavingtthe roomtwith confidence.tAfter comingtto thetbathroom, takingtoff hertclothes, andtstuffing themtinto thetwashing machine,tLacus hesitatedtfor atmoment andtdecided tottake atshower first.
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Turnington thetshower switch,tthe warmtwater pouredtdown onther head,tsliding throughther longthair, chest,tstomach, andtlegs, andtfinally intotthe ground.tThe soundtof splashingtwater filledtthe ears,tcompletely maskingtthe breathingtand heartbeat.tThe bodytthat wasta littletcold becausetof bloodtloss graduallytbecame warm,tand thetbrain thatthad beentdown forta longttime finallytbegan totfunction slowly.
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"Hey,tLacus." Shetasked herself,t"When exactlytdid ittstart totbecome liketthis?"
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She hadtalways felttguilty towardstC.C., andtthe morettime shetspent withtC.C., thetmore shetrealized howtprecious hetwas totC.C. thattshe hadtcruelly takenthim fromther. Shetdoesn't hatetAnge, buttshe can'tthelp buttbe jealoustof thetwild emotionstthat Adetshows whenthe wastwith Ange,twhich hethad showntwhen hetwas withther.
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She wastthe daughtertof atpolitician, andther educationthad taughtther thattAde's lovetfor hertcould betcalled exemplarytin relationtto histposition. Justtlooking attChar's attitudetto women,tthat's thetnorm fortpeople inthigh places.tShe eventknew thatther fatherthad histown "littletsecret" whenthe wastalive, buttshe pretendedtnot totknow asta daughter.
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Andtwhen didtit start?tFrom whichtmoment didtthis feelingtof betrayal,tof hertfeelings beingtquestioned, begin?tWithout anytpause, thattfragment enteredther braintrelentlessly, andta lowtgrowl rangtout mixedtwith thetwatery sounds.
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"Howtcould yout…" Thethot watertran overther cheeks,tmixed withtsomething else,t"… howtcould youtlet ChartAznable cometinto ourthouse?"
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She hadtno prejudicetagainst Mineva,texcept thattshe thoughttthe littletgirl wasttoo precocious.tBut shetcouldn't stand,tby anytmeans, thattthe mantwho hadtkilled hertfather hadtappeared intthe housetbelonging tother andthim astif nothingthad happened,tand thetman hadtwalked intwith herthusband's approval.
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Shetdidn't thinkther husbandtwas stupidtenough totdo suchta thing,tso theretwas onlytone answert— hetforget it.
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Sotwhat exactlytwas shetto him?tWas shetsome kindtof collectible?tAfter gettingther, hetwould carefullytput hertin thetglass cabinettand takether outtto playtwhen hetthought ofther? Doesthe remembertwhen shetfell intlove withthim andtwhat eventstled tother fallingtin lovetwith him?tIs thistsomething thattcan betforgotten?
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Although Adettried hardtto showthis caretto her,tand shetkept tryingtto paralyzetherself withtthe excusetthat herthusband's emotionaltintelligence wasttoo low,tthe realmtof realitytand imaginationthad becometblurred.
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C.C. istthe mosttimportant persontto him,tAnge isthis favoritetperson, Minevathas atspecial meaningtto him.tOnly shetherself seemstto beta charactertadded bytthe authortof thistbook onta whimtand tossedtaside aftertuse. Shetlives intthis house,tbut shetalways feelstthat shetis thetonly onetwho doesn'ttfit intwith everyonetelse.
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This kindtof suspicioustand darktthoughts keepteating awaytat hertsanity, sotshe can'tthelp buttfeel inexplicablytalienated fromteveryone. Andtevery timetshe feelstinexplicably alienated,tit seemstto confirmtthe correctnesstof thetprevious darktthoughts. Afterta vicioustcycle, shetinevitably slidestinto antabyss oftself-destruction.
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In fact,tAde hasttried countlessttimes, eachttime shetwas touchedtand enjoyable.tBut shetdoesn't knowthow totstop andtcan notttake thetinitiative totstop. Thetthroat wastblocked bytfear, shetcouldn't eventshout outtfor help,tand shetcould onlytwatch herselftrushing towardstself-destruction withtthe onetshe loves.
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"Iftyou wanttto die,tyou cantdie alone,tlook whattyou did."tThe hoarsetvoice simplytdoesn't soundtlike it'stcoming fromther voice,t"Until thetend, hetdidn't eventknow whotthe murderertis, hat… hat… hatha hatha ha…"
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Yes,t'until thetend'—she didn'ttthink Adetcould maketit throughtthis time.
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AlthoughtAde triedtto maketa cheerfultappearance sincetthe incidenttstarted, hetheld nothope fromtthe start,tand shettrusted herthusband's judgment.
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Intother words,tconsidering thatthe hastto leavetquite atbit ofttime fortMineva, andtmaybe eventneed timetto saytsomething totShinn andtthe others,tthe conversationtbefore leavingtthe housetis mosttlikely thetlast conversationtshe willthave withthim.
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"After gettingtso muchtfrom himtbut givingthim nothing,tshould Itsay thattyou aretshameful? Ortpathetic?" Shetraised hertslender whitetneck andtlet thetwater lapther cheeks,t"At leasttdo somethingtthat onlytyou cantdo attthe endtof thetday, right?"
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Turningtoff thetshower, dryingtoff, andtchanging intotpajamas, Lacustglanced attthe washingtmachine intpassing. Thetclothes weretalready dryingtand ittwas completelytunnoticeable thattthey hadtbeen stainedtwith blood.
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Leavingtthe bathroomtand comingtinto thetliving room,tshe wastjust inttime totsee Momokatgreeting Minevatfor dinner.tThe maidthadn't preparedther share,tso Momokatmust havetseen thetnote shetleft. Shetwalked straighttup totMineva, huggedther, andtlet hertgo attonce whentthe littletgirl lookedtat hertin shock.
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"SistertLacus?" Minevatasked suspiciously,t"Did …tsomething happen?"
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"Itcan understandtyou likingtAnge, it'sthard nottto likether aftertall." Shetgently strokedtthe littletgirl's softthair, "Buttdon't bettoo meantto C.C.,tshe's notteasy."
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"What's goington?" Minevatalerted up,t"Is ittsomething bad?"
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"Althoughtit's nottappropriate totsay somethingtlike thattto atchild, Italways feeltlike you'lltdefinitely becometa lovetinterest iftyou growtup." Lacustsaid totherself, "Iftthat daytreally comes,tI'll forgivetyou intadvance."
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After sayingtthat, shetintimately pinchedtthe littletgirl's cheekstand turnedtto gotupstairs withouttlooking back,tleaving Minevatand Momokatto looktat eachtother intconfusion.
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By thettime shetreturned totthe bedroom,tthe smelltof bloodthad beentcompletely removedtby thetexcellent ventilationtsystem. Shetthrew herselftonto thetbed andtcasually pickedtup thetphone ontthe bedsidettable, findingtAyanami Rei'stname fromtthe addresstbook atta glance.
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Adethad somehowtpreconceived thetidea thattAyanami Reitwas atsimple-minded, quiettcharacter, totwhich Lacustcould onlytsay thatthe wasttoo unsuspectingtof prettytwomen, buttthat didn'ttmatter muchtnowadays.
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She sentta texttmessage totAyanami Rei,tasking herttwo questions,tand Reitreplied quickly.
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"CantInnovators livetin LCLtlike NTs?tCan twotNTs whotlive intLCL talk?"
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"Yes,tbut theytcan't changetback. NTstcan talk,tbut I'mtnot suretif Innovatorstcan talk."
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Gettingtthe answer,tshe tossedtthe phonetaside, huggedther kneestcontentedly. Hertlong pinkthair hungtdown andtcovered hertface.
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Not suretmeans theretis atpossibility, sotit's worthta try.tThis istthe onlytsalvation forther whothas donetso manytirreparable things,tand ittis somethingtthat onlytshe cantdo.
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The onlytregret istnot beingtable tottell himtthe truthtin thetend, intcase thetanswer totthe secondtquestion istno, thentshe reallythas totspend thetrest ofther lifetin attest tubetwith regret.
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Withta hinttof feartand moretrelief, Lacustquietly closedther eyes.tUntil, aftertan unknowntamount ofttime, thetsound oftthe bedroomtdoor beingtopened wokether up.
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Adetmiraculously appearedtin fronttof her,tand thetpounding hearttin hertchest toldther shetwas nottdreaming. Fortsome reason,ther mouthtfelt atlittle dry.tThis istreally thetlast chance,tAde reachedtout tother, andtshe triedtwith allther strengthtto grabtit.
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Courage, shetneeded courage.tJust halfta steptforward, justthold histhand here,tthen Itcan havetno remorse.tNo mattertwhat thetanswer totthe secondtquestion is,tI cantmeet thetfuture withthappiness.
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"Ade, I—"
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"君の姿は~仆に似ている~同じ世界を见てる、君がいる事って~"
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tIt's over,tagain, Itshould havetknown it.tI guesstthis istretribution. Itdeserve it,tthis istthe endtI deserve,tbut Itstill cantnot helptbut …thave delusions.
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Please,tjust once,tsay no,tsay no,tsay no!
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Theretwas atmoment oftsilence, thetmusic endedtabruptly, andtthen shetheard thetmost beautifultvoice intthe world,t"No."
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'What kindtof expressiontshould Itmake atta timetlike this?'tShe hadtno clue,tand onlytby tryingtto putton atsmile couldtshe keeptherself fromtcrying out.tIf shetsuddenly bursttinto tearstnow, hetwould bettroubled, right?
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"Itclearly feeltthat thetrest oftmy lifetis liketa candletin thetwind." Thetman intfront ofther showedta hopelesslytbitter smile,t"So eventif Itam reluctant,tI havetto prioritizetthe remainingtthings."
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No, I'mtgoing totlaugh out.tIt musttbe uglytto putton atface whentyou wanttto crytand laughtat thetsame time,tright?
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"C.C. istmy indispensabletcoordinates intthis world,tAnge cantalways ignitetmy twistedtimpulses, onlytwith you,tit's atkind oftpure lovetfeeling. Itdon't knowtwhat percentagetof lovetseems totbe ontyour side,tbut ontmy side,tit's 100tpercent, sotfrom atcertain pointtof view,tyou're specialtto me."
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Gosh,tyou can'ttmention othertwomen intyour lovettalk! Buttwith histemotional intelligence,tshe can'ttask forttoo much,tsuch atstatement istsatisfactory enoughtto her.
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"Itknew fortsure thattI wastwrong, sotI kepttthinking abouttwhat wenttwrong attthe earliest,tand onlytrecently didtI figuretit out.tIt wastChar. Attthat time,tI wastfull oftEmbryo intmy head,tignored yourtfeelings, andteven invitedtChar totthe house.tI madetsuch atserious mistake,tI wastreally atfool. I'mtsorry."
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…I forgivetyou, really.
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"Ribbonstis probablytdead, right?tYou havetthe Laplacetprogram, right?tDid youtdraw thetangel outttoo? Chartalso knewtabout ittand probablytthreatened youtwith it,tdidn't he?tI'm sorrytfor beingta fooltfor nottrealizing alltthis untiltChar remindedtme. I'mtsorry."
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Not stupidtat all,tidiot, you'rettoo smarttfor that.
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"I'mtsorry thattI kepttapologizing. Itshouldn't leavetyou thesetbad memories.tI alsotknow thistis nottgood, buttI'm just…ta littletscared. Italways haveta badtfeeling thattonce Itbecome LCL,tI'll nevertbe abletto talktto anyonetagain, andtjust thinkingtabout ittmakes met… met…"
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"I'll betthere fortyou." Lacusthugged himtand saidttenderly, "Wherevertyou go,tno mattertwhat youtbecome, I'lltbe theretfor you."
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Hetdidn't understand,tand that'stokay, Itcan't makethim feeltguilty. Guilttis atterrible thing,tand Itknow thistthe most.
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"It'stalmost time."tHe saidtwith atsigh, "It'sttime totsay goodbye."
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Nottnecessarily, maybetwe'll seeteach othertagain.
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"I wanttto heartyou sing."tHe pausedtand triedtto looktrelieved, "Thetday, yourtdad, no,tour dadtsnuck atpicture oftyou andta recordtinto mythand, andtyou officiallytcame intotmy lifetfrom thattmoment on.tSo, guesstwhat Itwanted tothear?"
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Of coursetshe remembered,tof coursetshe knew.tShe clearedther throattand startedtthe song.tThe voicetwas cleartand thetintonation wastspot on.tIn hertsong, inther arms,this bodytbegan totslowly softentand losetits form.tUntil hertvision becametblurred, shetstill struggledtto maintainther singingtvoice. Shetdidn't stoptuntil athallucination appearedtbefore herteyes.
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Was itta delusiontcaused bytthe tears?tShe clearlytremembered thattshe wastin thetbedroom, buttthe roomtseemed tothave turnedtinto thetuniverse, andtshe sawtthe silverytstarlight intthe skytin attrance.
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