Chapter 159: Never Declassify
Loran looked at Ade's dumbfounded look, couldn't help but cover his mouth and laugh out loud, "I was teasing you because I saw that you were too tired, did you take it seriously?"
"… ah?" Ade hurriedly shook his head, "No, no way, how could it be? What are you talking about?"
"So I said you are too tired, it's not like you." Loran shook his head and sat down opposite Ade, staring at him with innocent eyes, "It's easy to make mistakes in a fatigued state, you should go back and rest."
"But—"
"This is an order from His Highness." Loran said with an embarrassed smile, "Even if the aliens really appear next month, even if the human race is really wiped out, it won't be your fault. Doctor, you also need to eat and sleep. There is no need to carry everything on your own shoulders alone."
"But—"
"On the moon or on Earth, no one is pushing you, so please don't push yourself so hard either." Loran looked at him worriedly, "Your lover, your child, your friends are worried about you, you know? It's not like with the fruit of life, everyone can be at peace and not care about your body."
"But—"
"No but." Loran's tone became serious in a rare way, "You don't care if humans live or die, right? From the beginning to the end, you've been playing the idea of running away to another Earth with the important people if you can't defeat them, so why do you have to act like you care a lot now?"
All of a sudden, a chill rose from the tailbone of Ade straight to the brain, then gradually spread down the whole body, until the fingertips of the hands and feet are cold through. In a trance, he had the illusion of being stripped naked and thrown onto the road in the middle of winter, and could only look at Loran and open his mouth wide, but could not spit out a word.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that." Loran showed a panicked look, waving his hands while apologizing, "I just wanted to persuade you to go back and rest…"
"You accidentally said the true words out." Ade threw the pen in his hand to the side, and his voice became sullen, "You guessed right, I've been planning to run away from the beginning in case I really can't beat the enemy. It's none of my business if the human race dies out or not, I've been pretending to be responsible, and you're absolutely right."
Loran froze for a moment, impulsively got up to do something, thought about it, and sat back down. Although the topic might hurt his important friend, Loran chose to grit his teeth and continue, "I've gone through all the documents at the summit, and only you have terribly high authority, everyone else is subject to various restrictions."
"Yes, I restricted Char, restricted Bright, restricted Nunnally, restricted Haman, and even restricted Diana. I don't trust anyone but myself. I was naive enough to think I had integrated into the world until I lost my NT senses and realized that it was all a lie. I'm still the same person I was at the beginning, a character with a Yang Wen-li template, nothing has changed."
"But have you ever thought about why the documents were all approved? Why did they all vote for it? Because they believe in you." Loran said with a firm gaze, "Ade, you're not an NT anymore, and they believe you not because of your NT ability, but simply because you're you."
"Don't take an example to comfort me on behalf of all of them, didn't you just meet the angry Char?" Ade leaned back helplessly against the back of the chair, "I can't even figure out if he's really having an episode for Mineva or if he's having an episode for something else, like seeing through my cowardly nature of trying to escape."
"Char is a very complex and cunning character, isn't it normal to be confused about him?" Loran excitedly pressed his hand on the table, "Suspicion and selfishness are both human natures, what's wrong with retreating sensibly if you can't beat them?"
"I don't trust anyone, Loran, not even you, you hear me?" Ade said in a loud voice, "I can't trust Lacus, I can't trust Ange, I can't trust C.C., I don't know if everything they say is true. But how can I doubt them? If I do, my fragile family, which is already on thin ice, will collapse immediately."
"So to your lover, to your friend, to all of humanity, you deceive yourself and act as if there is no barrier. Pretend that you have reached a mutual understanding, and then prove that you are not hypocritical with your actual actions." Loran dawned on him, his eyes then became a little sad, "Ade, I think I understand."
"Go away if you understand, I'm going to continue to deceive myself." Ade sighed, picked up the pen again and sat down, "I and you guys are not the same kinds of people, Loran, I and Yang Wen-li are the same kinds of people."
"Are you …" Loran weighed his words, "are you afraid of becoming Yang Wen-li?"
"… probably."
"But I think there's nothing wrong with becoming Yang Wen-li." Loran met Ade's surprised eyes, "I talked to Chang Wufei before, Yang Wen-li, how to say it, had a twisted personality, was paranoid and suspicious, never asked for other people's help, and had little self-awareness. You see, in fact, you are already very much like him, aren't you?"
"I have been …" Ade looked at Loran blankly, "… very much like him?"
"Yes, very similar, but so what?" Loran gazed into his eyes, "No matter what Yang Wen-li himself thinks, Mr. Chang Wufei still respects him, and no matter what you yourself think, I still like you. Even if you really feel that you have become Yang Wen-li, in the eyes of everyone, you are still Ade, some things are not transferred by your will."
"But the starting point of this emotion is false, it is wrongly induced to—"
"You are not even an NT, so who are you to deny that other people's emotions are false?" Loran stood up abruptly propped up on the table and glared at him condescendingly, "What's wrong with doubting? What's wrong with being timid? What's wrong with being selfish? What's wrong with indifference? I, Loran Cehack, at this moment, recognize that you are right."
"Don't be ridiculous." Ade glared back, "How can I be right—"
"If you can't fight, running away is correct, doubting your lover and friends is correct, not being able to fit into the world is correct, having no sense of responsibility to all of humanity is correct. These are all thoughts that normal people would have; don't hold yourself to the code of a saint." Loran's gaze was steely, "Even if the human race were to perish, even if we were to escape to another earth, even if all the people, living and dead, were to blame you, I would still affirm that you are right."
Ade swallowed hard, not knowing what to say.
"You see, these dark thoughts are known only to the two of us. As long as neither of us say anything, no one will blame you." Loran smiled, "And ah, when suspecting C.C., remember do not show it, or your house will really explode. If you really can't hold it in, come to me, I will affirm you."
"You …" Ade narrowed his eyes and lowered his head, "Your purity is so dazzling that I am ashamed of myself under the light."
"Don't use such a strange sentence to describe me." Loran embarrassed to scratch his cheek, "If you can not get the answer for a while, slowly think about it. If you really can not find an answer, come to me to discuss it, we are friends. Anyway Ade, you need to rest now."
"I, my mind is a bit confused, I don't really want to go back." Ade held his forehead, "I'm lectured. This plot is a little strange."
"Going home and having to deal with your wife will only make you more tired, I get it." Loran nodded, ignoring the second half of his sentence, "Then come with me, take you to a special place."
Ade's brain was still a bit confused. He was confused to follow Loran downstairs to the car until the car parked in an isolated old neighborhood. Loran carefully led him to avoid the cameras in the community, went upstairs to open the door like a thief, and finally entered a very plainly decorated house.
Loran took a long breath after closing the door and said excitedly while turning on the lights, "This is my secret base."
"Secret base? Yours?" Ade changed his shoes under Loran's instruction, "Isn't it … too shabby to be His Royal Highness's secret base?"
"Diana is in control of the money, it's not an easy thing to save up the money until I can secretly buy a room. The price of the house is really high." Loran said the lines that should never be said as a leader and led Ade into the bedroom, "You can rest here if you don't want to go home. This bed is only used by me, it's clean, don't worry."
Ade obediently took off his shoes and clothes and got into bed. Loran turned his head shyly, "Usually when I don't want to go home or want to be alone, I will come here alone. I'll write your permission into the door as well, so you can also come here if you need to in the future, and stop working late when you don't want to go home."
"… Thanks." Until he laid down, Ade finally remembered a certain important question and sat up again at once, "No, how did you show up? Did Aeolia get your body changed?"
"I can't believe you're only asking this question now, you seem to be really tired." Loran laughed bitterly and walked to the bedside to push him back by pressing his shoulder, "Yes, that's why I said first time meeting when I was in your lab just now."
"Then, then you are now …" Ade asked in a warily whisper, "changed back?"
"My current gender? Does it matter?" Loran sat down on the edge of the bed and gently locked eyes with him, "What if I'm male now? So what if I'm female? Would our friendship change because of that? Would you not continue to be friends with me?"
"…I would not."
"Then why pursue it? No matter what I become, which is something only I need to dwell on, I hope the 'me' in your eyes will always be the 'same me'. Just like no matter how similar you think you and Yang Wen-li have become, you are always yourself in my eyes." Loran inclined his head in thought, "Let's do this, you close your eyes."
Ade obediently closed his eyes, followed by sparse sounds in his ears until he opened his eyes when Loran said yes, at which point he saw, "Uh, why are you changing?"
"For you." Laura stepped aside and spun around, "Am I not Loran now? Does our friendship end just because I change my clothes or change my name?"
"… No." Ade found it hard to look away, but resisted the urge to pursue the question.
"Physiology is what affects one's thinking, Ade." Laura straightened her skirt and sat down on the edge of the bed once again, "Just as the first few decades of my life would have caused my preferences in dress, it's common for the loss of NT to affect your thinking. They are all born naturally in response to changes in the environment, they are all you, and none of them are false. It is as if there is only one me since the beginning, and I do not feel ashamed of my past, present, or future, nor do I try to deny it."
"You are dazzling." Ade said sincerely, "I can't be like you."
"You don't have to be like me, you're cute enough the way you are. I now understand a little bit why C.C. took a liking to you, that's probably why people are divided by groups, right?" Laura smiled softly and gently patted his hand, "Stop trying to figure it out, if you can divert your attention to it, my change of clothes will be worthwhile."
"My attention was indeed diverted." Ade said honestly, feeling the warmth of the breath around him, "Your move was extremely valuable."
"We're both married, Ade, I'm deeply in love with Diana and you with C.C. and the other girls, and we're very close friends, and I feel very happy now." Laura responded, "Or do you have the courage to pursue the truth no matter what? Can you accept whatever the ending is?"
"I'm sorry, I was rude." Ade hastily explained, "I wasn't—"
"You were not rude, I am self-conscious about my appearance and I am well aware of your character. If you want to continue to learn to dance with me, I can understand and will agree, because we are friends." Laura smiled lightly at him, "You are the only friend I have, and I cherish it."
After saying that, he and Ade stared at each other silently, motionless, as if they would not react no matter what happened.
"Thank you." Ade gently patted Laura's hand as she did just now, "I cherish it too."
After saying that, he closed his eyes and made a face like he was going to sleep.
"You're welcome, it's what friends should do to each other." Laura leaned down and finally whispered in his ear, "Good night."
