Chapter 64: Despair
She abandoned her weapon and turned to flee.
Similarly fleeing, yet with vastly different implications.
She lost count of how many times she repeated it, but in the end, it was all failure, failure, failure…
The incessant repetition of failure, the continual repetition of setbacks - she felt like a butterfly dancing in the hands of a giant, no matter how she struggled, it was all in vain. With a gentle grasp of five fingers, she could meet her demise.
How fragile, how laughable.
Even with constant retrospection of time, and relentless pursuit of opportunities, she could never alter her inherent vulnerability.
In the end, she is neither a heroic spirit nor a swordmaster, but merely an ordinary girl who has studied some swordsmanship.
How could she possibly have the qualification to challenge the terrifying cult of the evil deity that brings calamity to Yingzhou?
Even if she saw the truth, her sword could never touch the opponent even slightly.
So, why hold onto weapons? Why persist in challenging? It is utterly meaningless, apart from being used to slay oneself, it appears as fragile as a cicada's wing.
What's even more ridiculous and pitiful is that even escaping would be in vain.
She cannot escape the encirclement of the cult of the evil deity.
She cannot break free from the curse that incessantly binds her heart.
She cannot escape the perpetual repetition of today.
Struggling, resisting, fleeing… time and time again.
Even if the physical form may not easily perish, it will be reshaped in the torrent of time. But what about memories and souls?
The spirit cannot bear the burden, and will inevitably edge closer to collapse.
Therefore, she fled.
Abandoning her weapons, she escaped.
Not even knowing where to escape to, stumbling and staggering, in a state of disorientation and despair.
She could not halt her footsteps, for fear of being pursued. Nor could she venture to any destination, as it would only invite misunderstandings from the followers of the malevolent deity.
Even if she simply wanted to take a brief respite, she stopped for a short while in a humble snack shop. Upon her return, all she witnessed was the elderly couple's benevolent old wooden cottage engulfed in blazing flames, thick smoke billowing into the sky.
After repeating and rewinding so many times, what she beheld was nothing but an accumulation of lifeless bodies, steadily building up.
Lifeless bodies, some familiar, some unknown, those of loved ones, friends, enemies, even her own…
The bodies piled up like mountains, but what was the ultimate outcome? What did it all yield in return?
Still, she returned to the starting point, as unwavering as the resolute hands of the clock at twelve-thirty.
She grew weary.
She also felt despair.
Unable to win, incapable of escaping, what else is there to do?
Give up, lie down flat, succumb to mediocrity.
Kichyō, with a lowered countenance, fixed her gaze downward as if in the throes of decay. She walked languidly through the bustling streets, her footsteps slow and ponderous. Amidst the merry crowds, she stood out, out of place, akin to a terminally ill patient desperately struggling for survival. Each step she took depleted her life force.
She staggered forward, bumping into something several times, collapsing to the ground, with no one coming closer.
Others stared at her with peculiar expressions, as if watching some strange anomaly.
She bit her lip, stood up, and resumed walking, unaware that dust had accumulated on her body.
Once again, she collided with someone and fell to the ground.
As she was preparing to lift herself up, a hand reached out to her.
"Are you alright?"
The girl who heard these words slowly lifted her gaze, and the ringing in her ears gradually dissipated.
Jingūji bent down and crouched, wearing a gentle expression, as she asked, "Little sister, you don't seem to be in good health. Has something happened to you?"
She remained silent.
Yagyū Simozi said, "Go and have a seat over there. She appears pale, possibly due to low blood pressure or feeling unwell."
"No, there's no need…" Kichyō refused.
"Don't be so formal. We're all girls. Could we really deceive you?" Saki Jingūji took out her student ID card. "My sisters and I are students at the Far East University. We're not bad people, you know."
"Your worries are getting worse and worse." Yagyū Simozi tapped Jingūji on the head. "Have you encountered something? Do you need to go to the hospital?"
"How about calling an ambulance?"
"Then they took you away to a mental institution?"
The two of them were causing a commotion, and they settled the girl in a seat on the side of the street, but their inquiries and concerns received no response.
Yagyū Simozi stood up straight, waved her hand and said, "Brother, over here!"
A young man approached, holding a steaming beverage in his hand and said, "Here you go, coconut and mango flavors."
"Thank you, brother."
"Thank you, elder brother~" Jingūji replied with a nod.
"Hmm?" A menacing gaze swept over.
"Ahem, thank you, Brother Bai!" The shrine maiden immediately corrected herself, adopting a spirited tone.
Bai Wei smiled disapprovingly and then noticed the gaze of a third person, instinctively lowering his head.
Their gazes met.
Kichyō instinctively rose from her seat, not intentionally seeking proximity.
However, as soon as she had risen from her seat, she was promptly held by the shoulder with a single hand by the young man.
"Don't get agitated," Bai Wei said. "I know you didn't mean to, and you couldn't have possibly known where I was."
"I'll leave immediately," she said.
"The second encounter, quite rare indeed," Bai Wei also seated himself. "Let's… have a chat."
Jingūji and Yagyū Simozi continued strolling, but as they left, Bai Wei started complaining instead.
"Accompanying women for a shopping spree is truly a colossal undertaking that exhausts both mental and physical energy. They treat me like a pack animal, yet offer no reward."
"Making the horse run but not providing it with grass… Not giving any grass, how outrageous!"
"Oh, that's too uncivilized."
Bai Wei unscrewed the bottle of barley tea and took a gulp.
"And you know what? I almost can't remember how many times I have gone shopping… What's even more remarkable is that every shopping trip has a different route, and the clothes bought are also diverse. Women are truly fickle in this regard, causing even a subtle discrepancy in history."
"Oh, I am just venting my frustrations, without any intention of inciting opposition. You may seize upon the loopholes in my words to argue, but it should not escalate into personal attacks, considering that I am merely a citizen of the Ming Country. This is a habitual expression of complaint."
Not waiting for his endless stream of complaints to come to an end.
Kichyō interjected, interrupting his idle chatter, "Do you remember how many times in the past?"
Bai Wei shook his head and said, "I haven't kept track since the tenth time, maybe around seventy or eighty times, perhaps even a hundred?"
"Do you not feel angry?" the young girl asked, self-mockingly saying, "You can scold me, scold me for being too selfish, scold me for being too foolish."
Bai Wei shook his head repeatedly, saying, "It's not that extreme… It's not that extreme… If I consider a hundred times as excessive, I would have been already sharing the same hospital room with Okabe Rintarou."
"Even so!" Kichyō lowered her head, thinking to herself that she had repeated it over a hundred times, yet still achieved nothing. Even as the later repetitions reached dozens of times, her memories became increasingly hazy, and all she experienced was a relentless cycle of death.
Bai Wei expressed his understanding, "Although the experience of being forcefully reset in a game is not pleasant, I am not inclined to blame you. Just as I mentioned before, you are facing an opponent that is not easily defeated. For ordinary people, this is challenging."
"Yes," the young girl replied, crossing her arms, her voice mingling with a nasal tone.
Kichyō lifted her eyes, and within her gaze was a void, even her voice sounded so weak.
"It's difficult… Difficult," she repeated in a subdued tone.
"Your expression is not looking good," Bai Wei remarked. "It's apparent that your mental state is also difficult to sustain. It's been quite a while, have you managed to get any sleep?"
She gently shook her head, how could she possibly fall asleep.
After a while, she spoke softly.
"Mr. Bai."
"Hmm?"
"Staying with me would be dangerous,"
"I know."
"Are you not leaving?"
"The crowd is the best form of protection. If all else fails, you can restart, and I'll lend you a sword."
"The lack of mercy, indeed," the young girl said.
"Sorry, I'm just this kind of underachiever," Bai Wei chuckled.
"Then consider it me talking to myself," she straightened her posture. "…Can I ask you to listen to what's on my mind?"
